Holland In 2015!
Under his reign Major League Baseball saw the implementation of Interleague play, instant replay and, as of late, better testing for drugs and harsher penalties for violators.
If there was one complaint I have with anything he did it was making the All-Star game the deciding factor in determining home-field advantage in the World Series. Just go back to alternating between leagues the way it was done before and I’ll be happy. Or even do it based on the team with the best record. Actually reward it to someone deserving and not based on a hit that a pitcher gave up in the middle of the season.
So who would I make the new commish? One name being kicked around is Joe Torre but if he was in charge then every game would be postponed if a single raindrop fell on the field so no. Jose Canseco has been pleading his case on Twitter but that would be like Pablo Escobar heading the D.E.A. (for you younger readers out there you may need to Google “Pablo Escobar” so that the preceding comment makes sense).
So I am now officially tossing my hat (it’s a Kangol like Samuel Jackson wears) into the ring. The first thing I would do is lift the ban on the 1919 “Black” Sox players. They were found innocent in court so I would have no problem with that. Next, I would allow Pete Rose in the Hall of Fame but only after he groveled for at least two hours and went back to the Moe Howard haircut. Once again, kids, you may need to look up Moe Howard and that’s sad. Where has good slapstick comedy gone these days? Sorry, I started rambling.
Another of my new rules would involve grown men bringing gloves to games. Just catch the ball. And if you do catch a ball you will be mandated to hand it to the nearest child. Also, if you catch an opponent’s home run ball and throw it back on the field and you’re not at Wrigley Field then you will be ejected for trying to bring another team’s tradition to your ballpark.
Among other changes I would make:
The Oakland A’s will be moved to San Jose into a stadium with adequate sewage plumbing.
The Miami Marlins have to get rid of that awful home run thing that sits in the outfield and replace it with a statue of their owner which catches fire.
Home field advantage in the World Series will be determined by a best-of-three rock/paper/scissors match.
Harold Reynolds will not be allowed to say anything on the MLB Network except for reciting players’ stats. He will also be required to attend at least ten SABR seminars a year.
The MVP award will be based solely on fWAR and not individual stats. Votes, or a vote, for Michael Young will be erased from history. Love you Evan!
Writers can longer deem the Angels World Series champions in the spring. Violating this rule will result in them being kicked out of the BBWAA.
And finally you cannot be allowed to attend a game wearing the jersey of a player who no longer plays for that team unless they are retired. If I go to another Rangers’ game and see a Texas Josh Hamilton jersey I am going to go ballistic.
So those are my rules and I look forward to your vote in 2015. I am James Holland and I approve this message.