Meet the Latest Product from the Rangers’ Mega-Food Factory

sushi

Mega-sized ballpark foods have been a thing recently. You can have ice cream sundaes the size of Mt. Everest or hot dogs that contain the amount of calories equal to Mike Trout’s OPS.

The Rangers are no exception as they’ve produced a number of gargantuan menu items headlined by The Boomstick, a 2-foot hot dog named after now-departed slugger Nelson Cruz and the Choomongous, a Korean BBQ sandwich in honor of their Korean outfielder Shin-Soo Choo. You’d say everything is bigger in Texas.

This year, they’ve taken it to a whole new level. Yesterday, a source close to the team told me that they’re selling a 3-foot, 11-pound sushi roll named after Yu Darvish this season. The Iranian-Japanese pitcher is going to miss the season after he went under the knife for a partially torn UCL in his right elbow that an MRI found , but his presence will be there at Globe Life Park.

The Yu Ro11 contains 5.6 pounds of rice, 4.8 pounds of raw tuna, salmon, shrimp, jellyfish, shellfish, sea cucumber, avocado, along with some other seafood and vegetables. It’s directly adopted from a sushi place in Hadano, Osaka, where Darvish grew up until he took his talent to Tohoku HS. You can purchase this monstrous roll for $120 at the Texas Sized 24 concession stand (otherwise known as The Boomstick stand).

If you’re asking for my opinion, an otherworldly giant (or any size of) sushi roll is not a sandwich.

If Darvish himself read this, he’d say “That’s bulls**t”, and yes, as you may have noticed by now, this indeed is my completely made-up story for April Fool’s Day. As far as I know, the Rangers are not planning to sell a jokingly enormous sushi roll, unless this post inspires them to do so, in which case I want royalties.

However, there is a place in Japan that offers a humongous 13-pound sushi roll. Sometimes we’re amazed by how reckless one can be.

April Fool’s Day being here means that the Opening Day is right around the corner. We’re just a few sleeps away from baseball that actually matters. Happy baseball season!

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Kazuto Yamazaki
Grew up in Tokyo, Kaz fell in love with the 2004 Rangers that featured Hank Blalock and Mark Teixeira, and has been a fan since then. Other than doing baseball-related activity, which consumes most of his time, he enjoys singing and playing the guitar. He also writes for The Dynasty Guru and The Scoop Sports. You can follow Kaz on Twitter @Kazuto_Yamazaki and reach him via email kazuto.yamazaki@shutdowninning.com.

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