Well, That’s ONE Way To Do It

ARLINGTON, TEXAS - APRIL 04:  Cole Hamels #35 of the Texas Rangers pitches against the Seattle Mariners in the top outfield the second inning on Opening Day at Globe Life Park in Arlington on April 4, 2016 in Arlington, Texas.  (Photo by Tom Pennington/Getty Images)

Excuse the French used in these next few ‘graphs, but holy shit we won game one of 162!

Although I cannot speak for Mr. Sullivan, I too am perplexed at how exactly the 3-2 win unfolded. King Felix Hernandez dealt. Cole Hamels dealt. Prince Fielder blooped. Parking vendors charged upwards of $80 a spot.

All of those are 100 percent factual statements, which is especially unfortunate for those with initial plans to attend a pre-Opening Day tailgate in Lot C. Meh.

The Rangers struck out 10 times Monday, the Mariners went down on strikes 11. Eight of those Texas punchouts came from the left arm of Hamels, one from Jake Diekman and two from Shawn Tolleson. The bullpen the Rangers thought was going to be a strength, albeit just two of the key pieces were used, did exactly what it was supposed to do.

It came in, shortened the game, protected a one-run lead and sealed the win in the home opener of the 45th season in Texas for the Rangers. The Rangers are now 16-9 in home openers post-relocation and 22-23 overall in Texas.

Seattle managed four hits – home runs by Robinson Cano in the first and Ranger-killer Kyle Seager in the second innings, and two singles by ex-Angel Chris Iannetta – to the Rangers one. Yes, the Rangers managed one measly hit. And won.

According to the boys and girls at Elias Sports Bureau, the Rangers are the first team to win its home opener with one hit since 1900.

You can’t make this stuff up. Although the Rangers fictionally one-hit the Tribe in 1989, this clip is still relevant.

So how the hell did the Rangers pull it off?

Rougned Odor worked a five-pitch walk before swiping second in the bottom of the fifth inning to start the three-run Ranger inning. Seager returned the favor of an Elvis Andrus E6 via an E5, Delino DeShields walked on four pitches, Shin-Soo Choo walked on four and Fielder hit a jam-shot single into short, short left field.

For those of you not at the ballgame or who had already paid the arm and/or leg for parking, the fans at home watched Prince take off his batting gloves while standing on first base with a shit-eating grin. The big fella picked right up where he left off during his 136 single campaign last season.

Just how rare is the feat for the ballclub that boasted the most returnees from an Opening Day roster (14) since bringing back 16 players from the OD roster of the eventual 2011 World Series….gulp…? According to ESPN senior writer, David Schoenfield, a one-hit win had only happened 64 times as of May 22, 2014. Our friends Jared Sandler, John Blake and Elias Sports Bureau were quick to pull one-hit statistics, as well.

But the statistic of the day goes to ex-SDIer Brice Paterik.

Enjoy it, Ranger fans. With 24 games to go, the ole ball club is already just six wins shy of tying last season’s seven-win April.

Lefty Martin Perez will look to pick up today where Hamels left off yesterday. In four starts and two relief outings across 38.2 innings, the 2013 Rangers Rookie of the Year is 2-2 with a 3.49 ERA all-time against the Mariners.

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Travis M. Smith
Travis has been a baseball fanatic since birth, and, according to his parents and multiple other reports, at the sophisticated age of three had the near-superheroic ability to regurgitate the statistics of every member of the 1992-93 Texas Rangers . The 2015 Tarleton State graduate dabbled in baseball at the collegiate level before falling into journalism and works full-time as the managing editor of the Glen Rose Reporter.

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